In parts one , two, and three, we looked at the relationships we build with the world and each other. We saw that we don’t really know anyone else, fully; rather, we have an image of how they are, how they react, what are their likes and dislikes. In other words, we have a historical figure that bears the name of our ‘other’.

We are never dealing with them as they really are – now.

Some people, hearing this, feel trapped in a bubble of ‘self’. But that is not the way to consider this, at all!

If our ‘bubble’ contains those with whom we are having relationships, then it also contains our world… our whole world. The higher truth is that we are already connected with everything we need.

Whatever is ‘out there’ is not what it look like from ‘in-here’ In-here is entirely an accumulated product of how we have reacted to the world from our birth onwards. This vast ocean of reactions forms itself into our personality – our egoic nature, in the psychological sense.

Our personality lives in the mind, like a suit of armour. Its contents are what our ‘self’ looks up (in microseconds) to decide how to react. In effect, it’s instantaneous because the often-needed routines are kept ‘warm and ready’. Much of this is handled in language within thoughts. We run intense ‘chats’ with ourselves in complex situations. Some people actually talk their thoughts out, aloud.

Social conditioning helps us suppress this, but a visit to anyone with advanced dementia will show what happens to such ‘babbling’ when the social conventions are dropped – or decayed.

In previous parts we hinted at a single technique that will help correctly align us in relationship with the world — with the Universe of our ‘world?’

Within this quest, we found that the only truth of any value in understanding and changing our world and its relationships, is our own. It doesn’t matter what rules the world lives by, they wont change us. What will change us is dedicated living by what we consider to be our truth.

The first step – and the bravest. Is to say to our world:

“I don’t really know you…”

With this simple step, you will – if you mean it – break all previous conditioning and expectations. You will stand on the edge of a new world, one empowered only by your own truth…

Now, can start by adding:

I’m going to challenge all my assumptions…

From that moment on, every time you make a value judgement: ‘it’s always rubbish…’ challenge it. Ask if it’s really rubbish, or whether you have projected how you feel as an habitual pattern onto the ‘screen’ of this experience. The most important result of this is that you:

Allow it to be different, this time!

Our real goal is to see through the movie that is our view of the world, and know that it’s really only the screen and the moving colours and shapes of light that we are seeing – and reacting to…

When we see this movie for what it is, we begin to realise that what gives it life is the me, the Self. And that’s when we become empowered to change everything….and at the same time form the most powerful relationship of all.

End Part Four and series…

Previous posts:

Part One –

Part Two –

Part Three

©Stephen Tanham 2022

Stephen Tanham is a Director of the Silent Eye, a journey through the forest of personality to the dawn of Being. and

2 Comments on “Defining Relationships (4) the mirror of life

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